That depressed script: Unintended yet planned yesterday somehow till today

Hey blog. Or just—hello, in general.

Working online as a Cyber Hunter, competing with other hackers, can be stressful—until you find the one. Suddenly, you realize you're a hacker. Maybe it’s after submitting your first report, or maybe it’s in the moment you spot something others miss. Either way, the realization hits: I’m really doing this.

At the same time, hacking while living with family, recovering from an abusive relationship—it’s brighter now. Back then, when people called me “talented but inconsistent,” I was actually fighting unbalance. I stopped showing up to interviews. Stopped going to parties. Stopped drinking—just a little—and sat alone. I was hurting, but I didn’t know it until I found Vodka.

Eventually, staying aware saved me. Psychology, something I’d picked up and carried throughout my life, kept me grounded even in chaos. Despite rumors, misunderstandings, and conversations layered with contempt, I still bore the weight—miles away or not.

Still, deep in my heart, soul, and wild spirit, I knew: God saw it all. Praise Allah. Praise God. There's nothing we can do to satisfy Him by action alone, yet He blesses us every day. He gives us skills we don’t always recognize. Sometimes He gives us glimpses of the future. Coincidences aren’t just random—they’re aligned moments meant for us. Complicated? Sure. But not complex. #NTS (Note to Self): Complicated doesn’t equal complex.

So now, back to the present: we are blessed. Just being alive means we’re blessed. The things we pray for—we receive them, in time. Sometimes, like stores gathering resources, it takes effort and patience. But it comes.

For instance, when I prayed, "God, give me strength," I got out of bed. When I asked for vision, I found purpose. Even when I prayed, "Make my ex loyal," God responded with a reminder: be kind. But kindness, I learned, is self-respect. The man who left and came back never truly loved me. Conditional love isn’t love.

That’s why I write. Right here. These thoughts—raw, real, written down. A sign of consistency. A form of exposure therapy. Discipline in action. Even small acts of writing—if underestimated—carry weight. Whether you pray or not, answers come. They come in order, with meaning. From Jehovah—the master of all. He teaches through knowing, and even through insanity. It works. Maybe it's uncomfortable, but it works.

Now, I look at what's in front of me, and I know—I have everything I need. It's my decision now, how to use it. And maybe this post will help someone else. Maybe these prayers will echo for someone, too.

Take this moment, for example: when I wanted to start a business but had no money—God showed me a way. Not through the internet. Just... directly.

Likewise, when I kept talking about cybersecurity but wasn’t doing anything about it, opportunities started floating near. People were watching, waiting. Even when I delayed, my notes were there—written in my own words, for my own mind. They were more valuable than any AI. My analogies, my thoughts, my learning.

Growing up, I never had much as a kid, but I treated life like an adventure. I obeyed my parent without delay. But as I got older, I felt robotic—serving an employer, a parent, always someone. Loyalty didn’t fit until I started listening to Jehovah again.

When I truly committed to ethical hacking, there was NahamSec. Real hacking. No ethics spoon-fed—just raw experience. I followed what I knew best. It led me.

And when I wanted to reconnect with my mom, God made it happen. He opened those doors of communication. My empathy was always high, always wondering, always trying to understand—not idolize, but truly see. That’s what wonder is—recognition. That’s why it holds our attention.

Right here, where 1 = infinity, is the art of discipline. Hacking was one. Studying, two. Reading, three. Forgery, four. Scripting my own path—by God.

That’s enough. Maybe I didn’t make the biggest impact with my first report, but what I said—it’s there. Don’t underestimate what’s unseen. Everything grows.

Call me delusional if you want. But as young successors say:

• "You’ve got to sound insane enough for others to think you’re delusional."

• "It’s only a delusion until it comes true."

• "Finish what you started. Don’t let others prove you right."

I remembered this just when I was about to give up. Because when you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think.

So I looked again at my notes. It was all there—servers, hacks, ideas to sell. My new IT skill? Reverse engineering. But deeper than that, I have another identity, I am a hacker... It really isn't audacious how people make it seem to be.

And when it gets hard, a breakthrough is near. 🩷